The experience of eating the heart of a beast is one that cannot be taken lightly. Thus, I have outlined the following requirements:
1. The proper environment: Start off at around 6:00 pm (7:00 pm if during daylight savings time). This time allows for the setting of the sun to reflect the setting of all good in the world...for the task you are about to undergo is a ritual of supreme darkness and mystery. The physical local should be a dank, smokey, outdoor hangout- if possible, try the establishment near Hibuya Koen in Tokyo, Japan. It's located under the JR train tracks and boasts a wooden hog out front.
Under the train tracks, through the smoke, into the den of...?
A pig guards a terrible secret...
2. The proper company: Conduct this adventuresome deed with someone else...eating heart alone would just be creepy. The partner must be someone with similarly bizarre tastes, as the worst thing that could happen is to hear laughter or vomiting while you are in the middle of conducting the sacred ceremony. Furthermore, the wait staff should be curt and, if possible, possess not even a hint of English-speaking ability. This makes one feel they are in an exotic land. Finally, the diners seated around you should be as inebriated as possible- their charming remarks and willingness to be photographed makes them prime entertainment.
New friends for a few minutes...at least until I was done taking their picture!
3. The proper accompaniment: Heart is not something to be accompanied by salad, french fries, or a McDonalds hamburger. It needs to be the climax of a great, great opera...not the lone star. Thus, the following are perfect sidedishes: intestine, tongue, liver, gizzard. Regarding the aforementioned, as a cautionary note, liver and intestine are not particularly nutritious or delicious. Tongue and gizzard taste fine enough...but if tongue is eaten, please be prepared to feel as if you are kissing a cow (at least if the ritual is undertaken in Tokyo) as the taste buds are both visible and tangible. In regards to beverage, water may or may not be to one's preference. If one is feeling at all squeemish, the author suggests drinking something with more taste. Any soda or alcohol will do (juice and milk could lead to further squeemishness...as the mix they create in the stomach would be quite foul). However, if one chooses alcohol, please only have one serving...any more would endanger the stability of the event's memory.
4. The process: Finally, what the reader has been undoubtedly been waiting for...the How To? of eating heart. First, clear the pallet. Then, pick whichever piece you choose to start with (something which could easily balanced upon one's tongue would be a good starting size). Next look towards the heavens and proclaim "I thank the gods above for this ever-sacred opportunity" (the heart should have not yet entered the mouth). Now, steady while straightening one's head towards the horizon. Bring the heart to eyesight, open and devour in one movement. Chew sloly, savouring every morsel of power being bestowed upon thy body. Enjoy.
Remember: When one is looking towards the sky and thanking the heavens for the gift of heart, his or her eating partner must solemnly stare at the ground...it is disrespect not to.
No comments:
Post a Comment